(The Verge) – The snooze button is my best friend. I’ve been known to press it four or five times before I slump out of bed in the morning. As much as I love that precious little button, sometimes it turns on me. It always happens on the most important days, I oversleep.
I take the precautionary steps to make sure that I will wake up on time every morning. I set three separate alarms, I go to sleep before midnight, and I pray to the gods that someone will throw ice water on my face if I ignore the three alarms. Even after all of this, I can never guarantee that I will wake up in the morning without sleeping through a class or two first. I guess it’s kind of exciting. Will I wake up before noon today? Will I have time to eat breakfast? Will I die of embarrassment as I walk into the classroom late? Yeah, real exciting.
On the rare days that I actually wake up on time, I lay in bed for a few minutes to check my texts and to catch up on Facebook… you know, life changing things. But on the days that I ignore my alarm, my eyes pop open like I’m Dr. Frankenstein’s latest creation.
Of course I never oversleep when it comes to waking up for something that I would rather miss, like a dentist appointment. But when it’s something crucial, like waking up for a final exam or the day I was planning on solving world hunger, forget about it. A third world war probably wouldn’t even disturb me.
Think about how awful it is to stroll into class nearly a half an hour late. You know that you’re late, and you know that you have a perfectly good reason, but the overachievers who actually get to class on time are totally judging you. So you walk in looking like you’re taking the walk of shame when really, you just slept through your alarm. The class probably thinks that you went to some crazy party, stayed out all night, and actually had a social life. But if you’re like me, you stayed in to watch the latest episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and sipped the newest coffee flavor from Starbucks. It’s not exactly the same thing, but trust me, the overachievers are definitely thinking the worst. The trek from door to desk feels about 20 minutes long and it’s like spotlights accompany you the entire way. You basically look like a sign on the Hollywood strip. This was the very thing that I tried to prevent.
Well, this was one of those important days that I slept through my alarm. I had an 8:30 a.m. class that I already went late to twice because, you guessed it, I overslept. I picked up my phone to check the time and there it was. 8:47 a.m. Not again.
My mind was racing at 100 miles an hour and I knew that I had to get to class, and quick. It felt like I was moving in slow motion. I kept telling myself to move faster as I ripped off my covers and made my way to the bathroom.
Why did this constantly happen to me? I was a good person. I paid my taxes. I stopped for old ladies at the crosswalk. I flossed my teeth every day. And at least I thought about going to church on Sundays. This kind of thing should happen to those people who don’t say “thank you” after you hold the door open for them. But me? I was an angel compared to those people. Regardless of my good behavior, I often overslept.
At this point in my sleeping career, I had a pretty solid understanding of what parts of my morning routine were the most important. I knew that I only had 3 minutes, 5 minutes tops, to take myself from Lindsay Lohan to Scarlett Johansson. First I have to do something with my hair. Remember, I was on a time crunch, so three strokes with the brush and a ponytail would do just fine. Even just that will help treat the Frankenstein syndrome. Brushing my teeth was absolutely something that I couldn’t skip; and if you tend to oversleep, I suggest that you don’t skip it either. Finally, glasses are a great alternative to make-up. No one will notice that you didn’t put make-up on and you have the potential to look smarter than you actually are. I completed these three essentials before throwing on some comfy sweatpants and worn out moccasins.
Room key… check. Notebook… check. Phone… the final thing needed before running out the door. As I reached for my phone, it lit up and reminded me that I hadn’t even had time to turn the lights on. When I grasped my phone, something caught my eye. It wasn’t a text message or Twitter update, but rather something that made my heart sink. Saturday, March 30.
