(The Verge) –
Nov. 5 is almost here. It is when you will decide between me, Chris, and another third, less important party. I am here to ask you once more not to reelect Chrissie. He is the ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’ and we need to get rid of his Oogie-Boogie! If he were to win, I sense something in the wind that feels like tragedy’s at hand. Similar to the feelings we shared last year…
I’d like to stand by him and I can’t shake this feeling that we all have. The problem is we have wrongly done so. We have been too blind to see the answer right in front of us. Hopefully we can all agree we need change. Please, elect me. Once elected, there will be no more signs of Sandy.
We call him Sandy Claus! Bah! Humbug! I, Jack, the Pumpkin King, grow tired of the same old thing. We must fear the beard and praise the skull! No coal, no problems! Do we have the guts to take the jolly man down?
It is not as tricky as it seems. The job shouldn’t belong to anyone, but me. I could do it in my sleep. There’s not a reason I can find, I couldn’t have Chris’ time. I bet I could improve upon it and that is exactly what I’ll do. He should no longer hold the reigns. His deer are in for some serious headlights coming their way.
We must wonder if Chrissie were to win again, where his actions moving forward would lead us. Oh, how I’d like to join the crowd in their enthusiastic cloud. Try as we may, it doesn’t last. No, I think not. It’s never to become, for he is not the one.
Last year we believed our world had been blown to smithereens. We asked, what’s this? There’s trouble everywhere. We must be dreaming. Wake up, this isn’t fair! What’s this? The world a pile of dust! Pile of dust! Pile of dust! Our little world a pile of dust!
Was it? No! It was not destroyed. We rebuilt and fixed some of the damage caused with Chris’ help. I have to admit, he did a fine job in the situation he found himself in. He performed splendidly. He has been cheered and praised for 300 plus days. However, his success in handling this one circumstance shouldn’t overshadow his entire work. We have to look at the bigger picture and I could certainly do a better job. I know I can. I don’t think there is anyone who believes my personality is best suited as number two in the polls.
Twas longer now than it seems in a place that perhaps you’ve now seen in your dreams. It was the story you have all been told. It began with the holiday worlds of old. For the holidays we love are the result of much fuss and hard work from the worlds that created them, us. Then once a calamity ever so great occurred when two holidays met by mistake, mine and Chris’. I have learned from it and I believe I should be elected the king of holidays.
There are none who can deny that at what I do I am the best. For my talents are renowned far and wide. I excel with the slightest little effort of my ghost-like charms. I have seen grown men give out a shriek with a wave of my hand and a well-placed moan. I have swept the very best off their feet. If you pick me, I can do it again. I’m all bones about it. Trust me. Let me be your great pumpkin.
And as for you Chris Cringle, don’t waste our time on you. You are just the voice inside our heads. Nothing gets under my skin more than you. The election will be ours. We will not miss you! People, together we can live like Jack and Sally if you want. You can always find me and we’ll have Halloween on Christmas. In the night we’ll wish this never ends. Vote Jack! Ho ho ho! HEE HEE HEE!
(The Verge) –